Since he has apologized, Senator Mohd Imran Abd Hamid can be forgiven for making his controversial proposal at the Dewan Negara this week for laws to protect men from women who seduce through their demeanour and clothes.
It was a ridiculous proposal and no sane man (women will dismiss it totally) will ever take it seriously, but he apologized, and, maybe, he can be redeemed even if he must face the consequences of his actions.
Men rarely apologize. Women do, quite often, wives and girlfriends will tell you that. The men do wrong and offend and hurt their women but to get an apology from them is as hard as making them see that their inability to control their urges and passions has nothing to do with women. It has everything to do with their own lack.
Somewhere in the male psyche, is this unconscious notion that their urges are God-given and can’t be changed and, therefore, they don’t need to apologize for their misdeeds, especially with regard to their needs. They are just unconsciously and naturally being men!
I have heard wives complain about how their husbands did this and that and it was very hurtful and even though they realised that their actions wounded the women, they didn’t apologize. Women are expected to understand and forgive and go on as if everything is ok now! The perspective is yes, the men did wrong but it’s the women who must apologize. I know what it is like because it has happened to me as well!
Most women know they have no choice but to forgive or they will never be able to move on. So, they struggle with their hurt and forget, but, something in them dies every time they do that while the men rejoice that the issues are resolved.
But, the issues are not resolved. The men get away with it but the women must deal with their own pain. So, women bury the hurt deep inside until they became numb to it. But, if the men apologize, there is a chance to sort out the feelings and it helps to heal. When men (or anyone, for that matter) don’t apologize, they withhold that healing.
That’s why I say Senator Imran has a chance to change. If his apology is sincere, he will act to stop that behaviour that causes harm. I hope he changes.
The underlying reason for sexism is the belief that men as men can’t change. But, if men are willing to change, they will open themselves up and grow. They will better handle their emotions and a woman’s ways and clothes will affect them less. If these do, they would know how to handle those urges.
Notice, how big-hearted men have no issue apologizing and don’t blame women? Even if they think they did no wrong but if it has hurt the other person, they are quick to apologize. In saying those three small words, “I’m sorry” and meaning it, they make things well again.
What the world needs now is the bigger man.