Today is Valentine’s Day and love is in the air — for some! Some people will have a wonderful day but, I suspect, for most people, it is just another day of the year. And, for some among these most, it may be a miserable day, feeling unloved and undesirable because no one sent them flowers, chocolates or did anything to show their affection.

You may think that you don’t look like a Miss Universe or a Brad Pitt and so are unable to attract the attention you want. Well, that may be so. The truth is that not everyone is a beauty to behold or a handsome man to admire. You may know that of yourself and decide to do something about it by using all the beauty products you can get and wear fashionable clothes or go to the gym or hang out with cool friends in order to get dates. Nothing wrong with any of these and there is merit in resorting to such strategies.

But, I want to suggest to you, especially the young people, of one sure way of making yourself attractive and desirable! It is something anyone can cultivate. And, when you have it, it will give you an inner glow no beauty product or exercise or friends can give. That quality is confidence!

Young people need to develop confidence — not in their grades or degrees or jobs or social standing or connections but in themselves as persons. When you know who you are as a person and are comfortable in your own skin, you become a very attractive person. Heads turn when you pass by because you carry yourself with confidence.

Look at all those models on the catwalk. Some of them are neither pretty nor handsome and wear the most unwearable clothes but they carry it off like it’s their skin! That’s confidence.

Racists and bigots have this notion that if you are black you can’t be beautiful. They are simply blinded by their prejudice and can’t see beauty as it is. On two occasions I met truly black women who were stunners. They were charcoal black in colour. On the day I saw one, she was wearing a bright red lipstick and a white T-shirt and blue jeans. She entered the department store and all heads turned to look at her. She bought her item, paid for it and walked out unperturbed by the attention.

On another day, I saw another younger black woman. She was tall and wore a simple calf-length dress and a bright orange lipstick. Like many, I turned to look at her as she walked by purposefully. Beautiful women.

What was common in both? They were confident of themselves.

Like these women and models, self-confidence has a way of showing off your natural assets when you walk, talk, look and simply be as you are. Confidence enhances who you are and that makes you madly attractive and desirable! A sure turn on! When you lack confidence, you are unable to give of yourself and potential partners can pick that up!

How to cultivate self-confidence? Explore and discover what you like, don’t like, want or don’t want, can do/handle or can’t do/handle. As you are exploring, develop your own value system so that you are responsibly confident. Then, you won’t be so overconfident and do wrong things and try to wriggle your way out of them without holding yourself accountable for your actions. When you have a moral compass, your confidence will tell you what boundaries you won’t cross. Should you cross them, you will admit the mistake and learn from it and retreat.

Confidence will also help you let go. That is necessary to consider other options. A confident person will know when to give up. He or she will not beat himself or herself up for something that apparently is eluding them. They’ll let go and move on. That is self-respecting and an attractive quality.

So, young people, this Valentine’s Day, don’t be moping around. Work at building self-confidence. There’ll still be problems but these won’t get the better of you!